richard vodden’s blog

The E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda () at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest — and closes the bar.

Over the last few months I have had the privilege of working with some very great people. I have been conducted by Charles Mackerras, Andrew Davis and Mark Elder and most recently I played 3rd trumpet with the Rehearsal Orchestra who were accompanying Peter Donohoe playing the Busoni Piano Concerto. All of these events have fuelled my desire for a professional music career. Somehow, and I don’t really understand why, even more inspiring than all of these events was a somewhat random piece of prose I found whilst watching Darcy Bussell’s retiring performance on BBC2 last friday. This text, written by Martha Graham, I think beautifully sums up the emotional side of performance. She is writing about dance, and much of what she has to say focusses and applies only to that genre. I think, however, that there is something in this writing which applies to all art forms.

http://marthagraham.org/resources/about_martha_graham.php#dancer

R : You like to drink.
I : Fuckin crazy.
C : You are really silly.
H : You have a very good personality and good looks.
A : You like to drink.
R : You like to drink.
D : You like to drink.

Hmmm - appropriate

copy this and see what your name means…

A : You like to drink.
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly.
D : You like to drink.
E : awesome kisser.
F : You are dead sexy.
G : You never let people tell you what to do.
H : You have a very good personality and good looks.
I : Fuckin crazy.
J : People Adore You
K : You’re wild and crazy.
L : You like to drink
M : best kisser ever.
N: Easy to fall in love with.
O: Easy to fall in love with
P : You are popular with all types of people.
Q : You are a hypocrite.
R : You like to drink.
S : You are great in bed.
T : Easy to fall in love with.
U : You like to drink
V : You are not judgemental.
W : You are very broad minded.
X : You really like to chill.
Y : Best g/f b/f anyone could ever ask for.
Z : Always ready

I noticed on a thread the other day the following list of trumpet crimes and associated fines. I agree with these wholeheartedly:

MUSICAL OFFENCE AND FINE
Playing highest note possible in warm- up £100
Sound-checking mic with obnoxious jazz licks £15
Raising hand after mistake £15
Practicing multiple tonguing not called for on gig £15
Blacking out after high note £20
Obnoxiously show-offy warm-up £25
Taking tuning note up an octave £25
Vibrato on unison passage £50
Failure to use 3rd valve slide £50
Playing B-flat when band tunes to A £75
Being told by conductor to play louder £400
Failure to swing £1000

LEAD PLAYERS
Changing mouthpieces mid-song £10
Faking section into early entrance £20
Faking self into early entrances £25
Missing high lick, then mentioning previous gig(s) £25
Asking conductor if it’s ok to take a lick up £25
Asking conductor if it’s ok to take a lick down £400
Taking a lick down that you took up in rehearsal £100
Missing last note of “In the Mood” £200

SECTION/NON-LEAD PLAYERS
Missing entrance when lead drops out £15
Pointing out to the lead that guy on the record took that last lick up £20
Attempting unassigned lick biffed by lead £50
Asking lead what mouthpiece he uses £75
Hanging over past lead on last chord £100
Attempting to out-screech lead on last chord £100
Successfully out-screeching lead at any time £500

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS
Playing with screw on rim £10
Polishing horn on stage £15
Dropping mute £10
Dropping horn: Repairs + £20
Dropping dead: Warning
Forgetting pencil £20
Forgetting mute(s) £50 each
Forgetting bowtie or socks £30
Forgetting mouthpiece £30
Forgetting magazine £100
Blaming mistake on sticky valves £25
Getting marble or similar object stuck down bell £75

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
Having nicest gig-bag in section £10
Talking about the great deal you got on a new horn £10
Hawking old horn on bandstand £10
Quoting Herb Alpert or Mangione Song £25
Farting on bandstand £25
Defecating on bandstand £75
Practicing legit style on swing gig £35
Discussing how plentiful gigs were in the old days £50
Beginning a sentence with “When I played for Kenton…” £50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theatre that you also play keyboards £100

BASIC STUPIDITY
Playing on a Jet-tone mouthpiece £25
Continually asking “where are we? £25
Drunkenness on stage £50
Stoned on stage £50
Pretending to be friends with a trombone player £200
Actually being friends with a trombone player £750
Dating a trombone player £3000
Loaning money to bone player £4x amount loaned
Sitting next to conductor at meals £100

And I think that its worth paying 10 quids to be allowed to play with a screw rim

Once again I feel it necessary to have a rave about how amazing the rehearsal orchestra are to play with. This weekend I have had the delight of playing 4^th trumpet under the guidance of Levon Parikian. Playing in a section of 5 trumpets (4+bump), 5 trombones (again 5+bump) and 8 horns is an awesome feeling in itself, but when those players are extremely experienced and supportive it transforms the game into a sport.

We played Richard Stauss’ Alpine Symphony, which is a tone poem of gargantuan proprotions - well worth a listen. I recommend listening to it a few times as, whilst its mostly tonal, its not the most approachable of pieces. Once you’ve approached it however, you appreciate that it really is genius.

One of the most exciting pieces I have listened to in quite a while is Karl Jenkins “The Armed Man : A Requiem for Peace”. Karl Jenkins is best known as a Jazz Musician and plays (amongst other things) Piano, Oboe, Soprano and Baritone Sax.
The Armed Man definately reflects this is its syncopated themes, but its its juxtaposition of traditional choral tonality against a more modern sound in the orchestral accompaniment which really interests me. Throughout the piece Jenkins uses techniques reminiscent of John Williams to the point that, listening to the Sanctus, a collegue of mine commented “It sounds like the kind of thing you might hear while Indiana Jones is doing something quite exciting, not very exciting, but quite exciting”. The brass writing is nothing short of magic and combined with his gorgeous use of choral harmony the piece stands as one of the most original compositions of the last decade - definately worth a listen.

Much as I dislike posts which simply exist to inform people that I’m still posting, I feel it is necessary, as I’ve not posted for ages!

Several things have happened in the gap. One of the more interesting was a Christmas party held by a clarinet player called Sharon, at which I met a fella who is the brother of a ‘Cellist called Sophie. He write a webpage called Toilet Scroll which is rather amusing - go and have a look!